Date: Wed, 9 Apr 1997 07:09:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: European Voyageurs Return.

Well for those of you who knew I was away, I have returned.  For those of
you who did not know I was away, I went away and have now returned.

So here's the details of what I've been up to for the last few weeks.
Arthur (my younger brother), who is presently living in Germany near
Duesseldorf, arrived in Neuchatel on March 24th.  We proceeded to hang out
here in the duldrums of French Switzerland for the next 3 days.  During
that time we shopped a bit, we wandered a bit, we walked around the castle
ramparts, we attempted to take a tour of the castle (tours do not start
until April), we made and ate super-dogs that were so huge we took photos
of them, we went up the mountain, out of the fog and into the continuum of
clouds, where we still could not see the Alps, and we went to the
butterfly dome and the nocturnal animal dome, where we got to see a
porcupine escape its electrified fence compound.  Everyone whom Arthur
asked denied his belief that the Swiss eat dogs.

On March 27th we headed out for our grand voyage.  After missing our
error-of-magin bus, we then proceeded to miss our last-possible bus as
well.  This meant we got to leave Neuchatel an hour behind schedule, but
was of little importance.  An hour and a hlf later, we arrived at the
Swiss German border.  Unfortunately, we needed to cross the border, so we
bought train tickets for a 5 minute ride to the next station.
Unfortunately, once you leave this next station, although it is a German
station, you are again in Switzerland.  A further complication is that
this station is not near our desired goal - the Rhine.  We then caught
another 5 minute train under the advice of the information folks.  Once
here, we took a cab to the edge of the Rhine.  While setting up our kayak
(a 2 hour ordeal) we discussed the fact that the "river" did not seem to
be flowing and that this would make it difficult to determine which
direction we should head.  Unfortunately, the map we had brought (the
train map of Europe we grabbed at the railway station) was of little help
since the Rhine river was barely even visible at the given scale.
Fortunately, my GPS had the solution, which was further confirmed by some
bystanders.  So now it's 14:30 or so and we push off from shore.  We were
correct, there is no current.  

So, starting from kilometre marker 172 (there are markers every 100m for
the entire length of the Rhine) we went about 6km before running into our
first obstacle: a lock.  Aha - locks, this would suggest that this is not
a river, but a canal!  No wonder there is no current.  Well after almost
getting crushed between some barges and some discussions with the
Frenchies running the locks, we learn that they are under construction and
only one of the two locks is working.  Thus, since we seem to have arrived
at a busy time, we waste two hours here.  As we finish coming through the
locks, it is getting dark, and after asking a passerby a few questions, we
land and set up camp for the night.  And thus starts our adventure.  

Rather than give a full description of our the trip, I will just give some
of the more important statistics of our trip:

Distance kayaked: 482 km
Days in boat: 8
Nights in tent: 7
Start point: Wiel (just into Germany from the Swiss border)
End point: Bonn
Longest single day distance: 91 km (day 7)
Shortest single day distance: 7 km (day 1 - late start and lock delay)
Commercial locks traversered: 7
Distance kayaked in canals: 150km
Average current speed outside of canal: small
Portages required while avoiding one lock: 4
Average size of locks: 240 m x 20 m x 15 m deep
Trip mantra: This trip sucks.
Sorest body parts: bum & back (where it rests against the seat)
Best part of trip: sleeping
Worst part of trip: not sleeping
Time without bathing: Aaron - 183 hours, Art - bathed once
Smelliest person on trip: Arthur (meif)
Coolest person on trip: Glockner (aka Quasimoto)
Trip hurrah: yEEEEEeeessss (while posing like Glockner)
Trip mascot and flag: Glockner
Hitchhikers picked up: Micheal Jordan (came in Frosted Flakes)
Nights sleeping in gopher holes: 1 (Art's wonder tent site)
Nights during which it froze: 4 - 5
Verses of "99 Bottles of Beer" sung: all 99 (straight through)
Most important thing not brought on trip: first aid kit (although uneeded)
People Art spoke to who live on the Rhine but know not which way it flows: 1 
Cool comets seen: 1
Nuclear Reactors seen: many
Dead fish seen: a few
Live fish seen: a few
Wildlife seen (excluding birds and fish): 1 muskrat
Black swans seen: 1
Naked chicks seen: 0

As is obvious by this final statistic, I was somewhat mistaken in thinking
that we were going out to re-live the life of a Quebecois voyeur.

Once docked in Bonn, we disassembled our kayak, and just as it started to
rain (not that it did not rain during our trip) we were heading toward the
train station.  We arrived in Hochdal (Arthur's place of residence)
relatively late Thursday evening.  Did some laundry, bathed, ate, went to
bed.

Friday night, after bumming around most of the day and going out for
dinner, we went into Duesseldorf and went up the observation tower, which
also doubles as the world's largest digital clock.  Had a nice night time
view of the city.  We then wandered around in the city night life.

On Saturday we went into Duesseldorf, did a little shopping, went through
the art gallery (which was all modern art and was not very good, even
their Picasso's, Kandinsky's and Dali's were far from exciting).  We also
toured a local palace with a cute tour guide (Arthur's claims that she was
a hunchback are unfounded).

Bright and early Sunday morn, we headed to the train station for my
departure.  Using the special cheap-train-only ticket, it turns this
normally 7 hour journey into a 14 hour, 9 train adventure, but for less
than a quarter of the cost, one does not complain.  The best part was that
I arrived in Neuchatel after the busses had stopped running for the night
(we had miscalculated one step in the trip) and got to walk the hour home
in a very pleasant Spring night.  While I was away, many more flowers had
bloomed and far more leaves had appeared on the trees.

So there you have it, the Canadain voyageurs have survived their European
voyage and have returned to their scholastic lifestyles, but deep in their
hearts lies a "yEEEEEeeessss" waiting to be released when next they take
to the waters.

Aaron de Neuchatel